A list of all the game's books. (ongoing)

Dan's Crypt


(The larger the analog stick movement from centre the faster Dan's speed.)



(COMBAT DASH with shield equipped)


(whilst moving) WALK MODE
(WALK + SHIELD with shield equipped)

(Tapping the R button will position the camera directly behind Dan)

(Holding the R button will lock Dan's facing direction and position the camera directly behind him.)


At the left of the game screen you will see a green bar. This is Dan's health meter. As Dan receives damage the meter goes down, when it is empty Dan will collapse.

On your adventures you will find small green health vials. These items will increase Dan's health level.

More powerful restoratives come in the shape of green health bottles. These items may be collected, and when full will re-animate Sir Dan and refill his health meter should it become empty. The more full bottles the player acquires the more chances he will have to continue his adventure without perishing.

You can refill both Dan's health meter and any empty life bottles at health fountains, which you will encounter throughout your travels. Simply move Dan into these bubbling green jets to improve his health status; the longer he remains within the fountain, the greater the amount of health energy he will receive. All fountains have limited supplies of health energy so it is best to use them discerningly.

Once the health meter and all of Dan's additional life bottles are empty it's 'GAME OVER'.

When you encounter boss enemies you'll see that they too have a health meter. You must try to deplete it before they destroy Dan.


The inventory

As you progress through your adventure, you will find many useful items and weapons. Once collected, these are automatically stored into Dan's inventory.

To open the inventory screen press the SELECT button. The inventory is divided into four sections: Melee weapons, Ranged weapons, Artifacts and Keys. Each of the sections can be accessed by pressing the up and down arrow keys Pressing the left and right arrow keys will scroll through the items contained within each section. Once an item is highlighted it may be selected for use by pressing PSB-X.png.

Certain items can only be used at certain points in the game. If you attempt to use an item in the wrong place, a 'buzzer' sound will play and the item will remain un-activated.

Shop Gargoyles

Often on your travels you will encounter a Shop Gargoyle. These shady individuals are the traders of Gallowmere. A smack on the nose with a melee weapon will alert them to your presence. Choose 'SUPPLIES' to purchase fresh ammunition. Choose 'SERVICES' to repair your shields.


The chalice challenge

A major part of Dan's quest is to make amends for his cowardly past, and prove himself a true hero. The legendary warriors of Gallowmere have set out a series of challenges that he must complete in order to earn their respect.

In many of the game levels there is a golden chalice hidden away, with a total of 15 to be collected in all.

Dan must complete two specific tasks in each of the chalice levels to meet the criteria set by the Hall of Heroes. Firstly; he must locate and collect the chalice itself. Secondly; he must kill enough enemies to fill the chalice with their souls. If both tasks are completed Dan will be spirited away to the Hall of Heroes to claim a reward once the level is finished.

The Hall of Heroes

In the Hall of Heroes, the bravest heroes from all history spend an eternity resting, feasting and exchanging tales of their greatest victories. Each time Dan visits the hall he will find that one of the Heroes has transformed from statue form into a living breathing warrior. Should Dan stand on the chalice emblem in front of this character he will be granted an audience. Often the heroes will present Dan with an extremely useful item.

The Hall of heroes is spread over two levels. Only when you have paid homage to the heroes in the lower level will the gates guarding access to the upper level open up.

Once you have collected your reward, the exit can be found at the rear of the building.

Book 5 - Crypt 3000

Congratulations on your purchase of the Crypt 3000. In the unlikely event of inaccurate diagnosis of death:

1: Remove shroud (where applicable)

2: Locate rune stone

3: Proceed to exit located at end of hall

4: Place rune stone in claw hand next to doorway

5: Contact your undertaker for a 50% refund


(strictly no peeking)

I'M DEAD...!

The darndest thing happened: one moment I'm at the Battle of Gallowmere giving the order to charge, then BAM! A blinding pain in the old peeper, and sink me if I don't wake up on the least comfortable bed I ever lay on. Turns out I'm dead! Bit of a blow to my plan to forge a career as a great warrior, really.

Met the most irritating fellow. 'Al-Zalam' is his name. Think he might be foreign. He claims to be a powerful genie, but he's shown scant sign of any magical powers to date. Apparently for the last century he's been using my ocular cavity as some sort of flop-house. Anyway it turns out that the Sorcerer Zarok is back, raising the dead and possessing the living, and whatnot. He really is the most awful git.

Looked round the old tomb. I have to say whoever sorted the funeral out really did a first class job! Wish I'd been there for the send-off.

NOTE TO SELF: Update this journal regularly as and when stuff happens.


Zarok apparently is still in the area so I'm up and at 'em. Al's jabbering away in my ear, but my jaw's gone missing so I can't even tell him to put a lid on it.

Found a rather tasty sword and shield. I've still got the old moves, I can tell you! Have at you! Jumpin Jiminy!

Got into a scrap with some zombie chappies. Tried to tell them I was no good to them, what with the old brain having rotted away with the passing of the years, but they were all over me like a cheap tunic. Had to literally fight my way across the Cemetery. So much for my hope that there might be some sort of all-in-this-together camaraderie amongst the undead community.


Arrived at cemetery Hill just in time to get a fleeting view of Zarok, and a short sneering lecture to boot.

Remember now why I hate him so much, and it's not just the bodice and plucked eyebrows.

Found a witches' lair. No witches, but really creepy. The coven contained a natty little spade, and something Al said was a witch's talisman. Apparently, you wave it around in the right place and it's like catnip for witches! Would love to ask him where he gets this stuff from but our conversations tend to be fairly one way.

Went haring up this steep hill after Z, got to the top, legs like jelly but ready to give him what for, and he's already slunk off into some dusty Mausoleum. Typical.


Finally I get up close and personal to Zarok. He really is as mad as a march hare - who also makes hats for a living. Anyway he's got a whole army amassed, ready to move on Gallowmere, plus he's trying to release those loutish Shadow Demons. Oh Gallowmere, fair Gallowmere, what will become of you? It's a bit academic at the moment as apparently I'm trapped in here.

So I'm wandering around this dingy hellhole and all I can hear is this creepy music. The same dreary tune, played over and over again. Went up to the chap to put in a request (i.e. shut your noise) and it turns out he's been cursed, poor blighter. Anyway, long story short, I found him a new tune. So I'm happy, he's happy, I daresay everyone in earshot is happy.

Did battle with Stain Glass Demon. He put up quite a fight but after a while he looked pretty shattered - his eyes glazed over and I knew he was in some pane. A couple more whacks and it was curtains.

Got the Stain Glass Demon key - and finally free of this mausoleum!


Home sweet home! Retraced steps to Graveyard to see if I could find a way out into Gallowmere central.

Opened the Glass Demon gate with his key. Cor, there's a whole new area of the Graveyard. Can't help thinking it's slightly nicer than my bit.

Met Death. And no pen for an autograph! Death says I'll need the Anubis Stone. A magic rock they took off Zarok after the last war, broke into 4 pieces, and divvied up amongst the local bigwigs. A completed Anubis stone will allow me to create and rejuvenate my very own undead army, how ruddy smart!

Without such an army I'll not have a hope of destroying Zarok's elite Fazgul bodyguards, so this Anubis stone collection thingy seems rather critical to the success of my quest.

Death reckons a piece of said stone may be nearby, buried with the Mullock Chief.

NOTE TO SELF: Just in case I forget (what with no brain and everything) Death thinks the Pumpkin Witch, Mayor and King Peregrin may have the remaining Anubis stone pieces in their possession.

Paid our last respects at the tomb of Mullock Chieftain, whipped the stony butts of the Wolf Guardians, then said goodbye to the graveyard.


There's loads to do here: a carnival, and a farm, and a really great shop. But I must not tarry as the fate of all Gallowmere rests upon my broad yet bony shoulders. From the plains I can get to the Sleeping Village or take the road to Scarecrow Fields. Or possibly just stop here and have a few ales. Sadly, I fear 'twould just sloosh through the holes in my ribcage.

There's another way out leading to the Enchanted Forest but the path is locked. Once again fate hawks up a fat loogie into the cocoa of my quest.


Went to Sleeping Village on the trail of the Mayor. Unfortunately Zarok had pipped me to the post, carried the portly Mayor away, and imprisoned him in the asylum.

Keen to leave this place, and rescue the Mayor. Zarok's Boiler Guards are making an awful mess searching for this Shadow Demon Claw.


Ventured into the Asylum in search of the Mayor. Mad people really can be quite awkward to be around. Had to battle a barmy army of deranged flakes and berserk wackos - as I believe they're technically known in head doctor circles.

At last I found the Mayor. He gave me a key to the Enchanted Forest. Said I need to speak to a certain Witch who hangs out in the undergrowth, selling pegs and lucky dirt, or something. She can reveal the location of the Shadow Demon Prison, home to a piece of the Anubis stone. But first, to open the prison I'll need to retrieve the Shadow Demon Claw from his village house safe. Crumbs, whatever happened to a simple bellow of "Open sesame"?


The deranged inhabitants of the village have been hassling me something rotten, takes all my discipline to stop from slicing and dicing them into possessed pieces.

After much Mayorally contrived shenanigans with a cast, bust, bellows and crossless church I finally have the key to the Mayor's safe!

Blimey O'Reilly - the whole village is crawling with Boiler Guards, back from their tea break.

Opened the Mayor's safe. Inside is a grizzled looking, desiccated old chunk of limb. No, not one of Al's leftover kebabs - the Shadow Demon Claw! Time to make my escape.

Hurrah! Once again the decomposing but plucky Captain Fortesque shows Zarok's men a clean pair of heels! Quite literally, given my lack of Achilles tendons.


Heading through fields towards the home of the Pumpkin Witch. Like a pleasant Sunday stroll really, only with the addition of demonic entities.

Bushwhacked by enchanted haystacks. Was touch and go, with my hayfever and all, but I found the judicious application of a naked flame soon showed them who's boss.

Had a run-in with a huge mechanical imp. Why oh why couldn't it have been a tiny impish mechanic?

Helped a poor farmer repair his crop-cutting machine. By luck, once the contraption got going it revealed a passage through to a secret area! From then on I vowed to help all my fellow citizens - no matter how unwashed and seemingly inbred.

Circular grinding machines bar the way out. Horrendous industrial accident beckoned - but once again Fortesque prevails!


Arrived in Pumpkin Gorge. I remember bunking off school with the other boys to come here and scrump the succulent pumpkins. But what's this? My favourite foodstuff seems possessed by the very devil and is holding a farmer hostage!?

Putting aside fond memories of hearing the pumpkin man's gay tune and scampering from the house to buy ice-pumpkin from his wagon, I freed the farmer and he gave me a key to the witch's camp.

Lost in reverie as I recalled Granny Fortesque's steaming pumpkin pie, I summoned the Pumpkin witch using the talisman.

The witch agrees to give me her piece of the Anubis Stone in return for killing the enchanted Pumpkin King. It will be a deadly yet mouth-watering quest.

Fought the Pumpkin King: mano a veggo. Remind me never again to wax lyrical on the subject of these hideous orange squashes.


Walked deep into the Enchanted Forest, looking for the wise old old crone they call the Forest Witch.

It's well known that Dragon Toads go a bit barmy during the breeding season, but nothing could have prepared me for their continual slavering bite attacks, and they spit too, how unhygienic! Anyways, after much fighting and exploration I finally locate the Forest Witch - and let me tell you, never have I seen such a major hippie. She agrees to lift the enchantment that conceals the Shadow Demon Prison if I go and grab a few bits of fungi for her. Piece o' cake, or possibly toadstool.

Wretched fairies ran me ragged, and some of the language! But at last I found enough fungi to keep the wizened old crone happy. And lo! The entrance to the Shadow Demon Prison is revealed. I was about to set foot where no man had walked in a hundred years.

Using the Demon Claw I unlocked the entrance to the Shadow Demon prison. Applying my keen intellect - you heard me - I solved a fiendish puzzle to collect the vital fragment of the Anubis Stone. Advantage Fortesque!

Gadzooks! The stone turns out to be the final lock that keeps the Shadow Demons imprisoned. In an ideal world the Mayor might have mentioned this - the mealy mouthed windbag!

Today is not getting any better. Now I find myself inside a giant tree trunk battling the forest's demonettes. What is this, some kind of twisted reality show?

At last, with the prized Anubis stone helf aloft, I quit the Enchanted Forest sharpish.

I heard a distant booming like thunder. I later discovered it was Zarok's ghost ship unleashing a terrible cannonade against the Kings Castle. As I stumbled towards the forest exit my befuddled mind was awash with many pressing questions: How would I gain acess to the castle ruins? Would I ever find my missing lower jaw? And most pressing of all, how would I make Al Zalam shut his yap for more than five seconds?


After my recent travails, I was relieved to bump into my old mucker Death. But my cheery greeting died on my lips - or where I used to keep my lips, anyway - when he gave me some frankly horrific news. He expects me to journey through the poos of the Ancient Dead. And to think I just had my boots Brasso'd.

Slight confusion. Apparently it's the POOLS of the Ancient Dead. That's much better - I suppose. But I'll tell you this for nothing: 100 years festering in a box does nothing for your hearing.

I don't believe the cheek of the bloke! I'm running errands for Death, now. I thought he had tiny elves for that sort of thing! He says he'll take me to the Haunted Ruins if I can collect up the pieces of his recently exploded robot mortality-monger and free his impounded boat.

After all that faffing about, Death's done the dirty on me. Apparently, thanks to Zarok, the Haunted Ruins are now encircled with lava so there's no point going. Didn't want to go in his stupid boat anyway.

Luckily, Al, a.k.a. The Voice From The Socket, may have come up with an idea, for once - instead of his usual stream of half-remembered Middle Eastern claptrap and jokes about dromedaries. He says that the Dragon King on Dragon Island may have a set of magical fireproof armour.

Oh cheers, Death. Instead of lending a hand after I worked my fingers to the bone for him, he blithely announces he'll wait upstream for us, on the off-chance we get back with the retardant suit. Way to go, Charlie Hustle.


Ah, Scurvy Docks! You can almost smell the sea air - if you can pick it out from the stench of the lowlife who hang out round these parts. It's like chucking-out time in a scumbag theme pub. I sought the Harbour Master, with a view to obtaining a boat to take me to Dragon Island.

The Harbour Master ahd the absolute cheek to cast doubt upon my credentials as a pirate - just because I'm wearing a suit of armour and didn't laugh at his Roger the Cabin Boy joke."Where's your tri-corn HAT? Where's your PARROT?" Honestly, I'm THIS close to beating that Harbour Master senseless with a sack full of crabsticks. Jobsworth.

Finally. With my wooden leg, seagull, stupid hat and skull and crossbones, apparently I now passed muster as a pirate. The Harbour Master's a complete pain. If he'd asked for a patch over one eye I could at least have shut Al up for an hour or two - he's like a budgerigar if you plunge him into darkness. And after all that? A boat that looks slightly less seaworthy than Granny Fortesque's old hip-bath.


Well, my suspicions about the world's most pathetic seagoing vessel proved well founded. I only just made it to the island, I got soaked to the nines and I'm still baling out my codpiece. And yes, I was panicking. There are good reasons why armour is never used as a buoyancy aid.

And so I got to meet the Dragon King. Dragon Breath more like. And hoity-toity to boot. And would he loosen his hot little grip on the family heirloom? Unhand the Dragon Plate Armour nice and easy for the good of Gallowmere? What do YOU think?

In the end, I had to beat the flame-retardant pants off him. Luckily, his resulting poor-loser sulk, and a swish of his powerful tail, meant I managed to avoid a potentionally hazardous return trip on the Sunken Rowboat of Atlantis.


Death finally agreed to take me to the Haunted Ruins. I hope it's as pretty as everyone says.This Dragon Armour stuff is top. Crossed the river of lava and barely broke a sweat.

Finally I made it into the Haunted Ruins. After locating the king's lost crown I stood face to face with my old pal, the genial and garuulous monarch.

Does EVERYONE have an angle? Old Kingy coughed up his chunk of Anubis mineral deposit. Then calmly informed me that I had to open some floodgates. Thereby releasing a deluge of lava beneath the castle, supposedly to destroy a certain horde of Shadow Demons. Someone is NOT going to be happy. ANd guess who'll be in the firing line?

Kingy P. opened a secret passage to the floodgate area, and in I went. That lever was mine for the pulling, baby. So I pulled it.With an inevitability that is really starting to get me down, this released two rather angry guardian golems.

Phew, somehow finished them off, then a mad dash for the exit. Managed to reach it just seconds before the whole edifice crashed down around me. There was much rejoicing in the eye-socket of Fortesque. I wish the little squirt would quit jumping around in there - it plays havoc with my sinusitis.


Am on the Ghost Ship and feeling slightly apprehensive. The Fortesques were never known for their sea legs. (As evidenced by the chorus of wailing and nausea which filled the house every bath night).

After getting a bit lost in the bilges, I finally found a handily aimed cannon the size of a shire horse afte a hay-eating competition. Luckily, there were gunpowder kegs liberally dotted about the ship. And only several dozen plaited poltroons in my way. It was the work of a moment for me to collect all the kegs, stuff them into the cannon and launch myself skywards. Thus it was that I was able to fly over the barricades and into the Captain's quarters like an avenging silver streak. ....... of un-aerodynbamic scrap metal. One of these days I mnust learn how to fall from a great height.

The Pirate Captain talked a good fight (largely on the subject of what he'd do with various internal organs of mine when he got hold of me - clearly not realising it is many years since I had any). But I snuffed him out with a few well aimed cannon balls then set a course for Zarok's Lair. I hope! This armour plays havoc with navigational equipment. I think it has its own magnetic field.


And so I came face to face with The Big Z. Inevitably, he was on a balcony - he's always loved a big entrance. Although I suppose, with the size of his outfits, he needs one.

But what's this? Oh, not the old "first ye shall fight ye my whatsisfaces and my doo-dads" nonsense. Why do evil villains ALWAYS do this? He wants me to fight Lord Kardok first. Okay, hoofs-for-hands. Let's get it on!

Lord Kardok, like the golems before him, is no more. Your powers were weak, old man. And so on.

An army of Fazguls now rise against me. I finally find a use for that Anubis Stone thing. Somewhat impressively, I use it to evoke my own undead army - the fallen heroes from the Battle of Gallowmere! I'm not ashamed to reveal that the sight of my old friends brought a tear to my eye. Or maybe it was the smell - I think some of my former comrades may have been "on the turn".

The Fazguls, too, are rendered unto dust. It's lucky I'm not asthmatic.

I know what's going to happen now. I just bet he turns himself into some kind of horrible monstrous form. I just hope it's not a snake. I can't stand snakes. Be a buffalo. Be a buffalo.

It's a snake.

I beat the giant snake! I beat the giant snake! Look, there's bits of it all over the place - it's like a clearance sale at a giant snake manufacturers… hang on. Zarok's back. He's turning into his humanoid form again… uh-oh.

Cool! A piece of masonry crushed him to death! I'll never say a bad word about cowboy builders again. What's more, Al-Zalam has now been freed from my skull. Now I know how migraine sufferers feel in those advertising parchments.

Well, that was spectacular. The whole place just collapsed. I only got out by the skin of my misaligned teeth. I must stop having these near-death experiences. The stress is bound to shorten one's lifespan. Hang on… there's a logic I've missed there somewhere… I'm undead… near-death… ohhh, never mind. Anyway. Fortress Cross-Dresser - along with its long-term inhabitant - is no more, and that's the main thing.

At last I can rest. How I have longed to return once more to that state of peaceful slumber called death. I have proved myself as a hero, and will hopefully be welcomed into the Hall of Heroes with the other great warriors of legend. Or at least not openly mocked.

The trouble is, I won't exactly be able to pop back and fill in a last journal entry to let you know either way, will I. Or will I? Well… There's only one way to find out.


Each artifact you collect on your adventures will be added to this book.


This sought after pentagonal relic offers up a unique and convenient way to summon a witch.  The owner will no longer need to perform an animal sacrifice or utilise a loud hailer to secure an immediate appointment with a crone. They can simply present this talisman at the nearest bubbling cauldron, and hey presto; a hag will appear!


The only way to escape Gallowmere's Necropolis is through the Stain Glass Demon gate, but alas its beautifully rendered glass key is guarded by the Demon of Hilltop Mausoleum. Getting hold of the key is only half the problem though, as the gates keyhole has been magically transported to a secret location!


This gold encrusted gem is fashioned in the image of a Nubian sand beetle. Zarok used its ancient power to create and nurture an undead army at the battle of Gallowmere. After the wizard was defeated, the stone was split into 4 pieces and dispersed for safe keeping to the four corners of the realm. Legend tells that if the stone were ever reassembled to its singular form, the mighty power of re-animation and healing would once again pulse through its crystalline structure.


The forest key is woven from bewitched twigs and may be used to open the imposing gates to the Enchanted Forest. The portly Mayor of Sleeping Village always carries this key about his person, so as to protect the forest from unwanted questors.


This gruesome artifact is moulded from the amputated hand of a dead Shadow Demon. The clawed fingers wrap menacingly around a purple beast orb, whose dark witchcraft imbues this relic with the unholy power to unlock the notorious Shadow Demon Prison.


This silver key is hidden away in a secret alcove within the Sleeping Village church. Replacing the church's missing crucifix will reveal its hiding place. Whoever gains access to this key will then have the ability to raid the inner sanctum of the Mayor's safe.


This pretty little key is formed from petrified pumpkin, and as such must never be lost; else it would take millions of years to replace! It opens the grand pumpkin gate which leads through to the Witch's camp and the evil Pumpkin King's garden. The key can normally be found in the safekeeping of the gorge farmer.


These rare mushrooms grow in the forests of Gallowmere, and are prized as a delicacy by the thuggish fairy gangs that congregate there. There are many uses for this versatile fungi, but usually it is fried or smoked before being eaten with raw insects and mildew gravy.


Many moons ago butterfly catching was the No.1 participant sport in Gallowmere, with many noted festivals and tournaments celebrating this frivolous pastime. Sadly nowadays the only sporting use for a butterfly net is to help snare the aggravating fairy deliquents of the Enchanted Forest.


This fabled combat suit is fashioned from the finest dragon scales, its stylish lines making even the most handsome of knights considerably more dashing and debonair. More importantly perhaps, it grants the wearer total protection from heat, and offers up the enviable ability to breathe a plume of deathly fire at disagreeable types.


Each creature you meet on your adventures will be added to this book.


Your common or garden zombie is (to be blunt) a slow witted goon head of monumental proportions. It seems a shame to hurt such feeble minded weapon fodder, but they will likely insist on trying to bar one's progress and eat one's brains. A few well placed sword swipes are the order of the day, which should effectively teach them to mind their own business.


What these freaks lack in intelligence they attempt to make up for in sheer bulk! Slow of movement and brain power, if a venturer cannot dispatch these hulking dullards with relative ease there is simply no hope for the future of the once fair Gallowmere!


Skeletal Warriors are fast, skinny and intelligent, using all manner of weapons and shields to halt an adventurer dead in his tracks. These soldiers may be tricky to dispatch, but it's well worth the effort as there is nothing so beautiful in the whole realm as seeing (and hearing) the explosive scattering of bones after a crunching death blow. Blunt weapons such as hammers and clubs are the most effective way of dealing with these nasty individuals.


The lack of head (and hence one presumes also brain) has not prevented these aggressive chaps from perfecting a devastating charge attack. This shoulder butt can impart tremendous damage, and so the prescient adventurer should focus on sidestepping each stampeding assailant before rounding on them to attack with the melee weapon of his choice.


Mummification after painful death was once all the rage in Gallowmere, and the persistence of these nasty characters in the realm provides a potent reminder of this fact. Tougher and more aggressive than your run-of-the-mill zombie, mummies should be respected at all times and not taunted about their raggedy bandages or embalming fluid smell. For the record, all mummies are extremely combustible and therefore should not be subjected to flame attack, unless that is one wants to see them dancing around on fire for several seconds before expiring.


These skittish pesky plunderers will steal away an adventurer's weapon of choice before he can exclaim 'wheres my blooming weapon gone?'. The best strategy with these pests is to simply destroy them before they get close enough to swipe. How to snuff 'em out? Well speed and accuracy counts above all in this case, so any weapon will do as long as it's used double quick!


These speedy big nosed blighters will be upon an unwary venturer before he knows it, smashing at him mercilessly with fiery clubs! Yes perhaps they are not the most congenial of fellows, but they are quite good fun to shoot at or slice, so perhaps one should forgive them their foibles, and just get on with duffing them up.


This glass-spewing monstorsity is Zarok's best mate, which says it all really, but just to confirm, this transparent fiend is utterly evil. There is only one way to defeat such a creature and that is to target his exposed crystal cut heart. Judicious and sustained use of long-range arsenal will finally shatter the Demon into a thousand pieces, and good job too!


These bloodthirsty four legged carnivores can be found roaming wild around the realm. Such is the legendary ferocity of their gnaw and bite attacks that it would be sensible behavior to try and get a pre-emptive strike in before they pounce. Eating people is (reputedly) tiring work, and often wolves will be seen sleeping off their exertions. In these cases a crafty questor may be able to creep quietly past without incurring their wrath, a creative survival technique for all to note.


These guardians of the graveyard have deeply magical powers, dematerializing at will only to regain their fearsome carved stone form moments later. One should strike fast when each wolf becomes solid whilst continually avoiding each vicious leaping attack. When both ferocious wolves are finally vanquished an adventuring combatant will certainly have earned the right to escape the necropolis.


Zarok's dutiful (some might say sheep-like) foot soldiers are renowned for their officious manner and trigger happy fighting style. Successful avoidance of their all too frequent bullets will enable the adventurous combatant to move in close and dispatch them with the nonchalant flick of a melee weapon.


It is well known fact that one should try to sympathise with (and not detest or fear) the lunatic madmen of Gallowmere asylum, however after suffering an endless volley of painful head butts from these lead balloon headed nutters it would be easy to take issue with such well meaning advice. Should an adventurer take exception to their barbaric behaviour he might be well advised to utilize melee weapons to dispatch them, as projectiles seem to have little effect on these fat moving loons.


The Mad Axeman can be summed up quite neatly thus; the brain of a deranged 4 year old in the body of a heavy weight wrestling champ with a fetish for axe murder. This nutter's enthusiasm will likely prove his undoing, as when his axe gets stuck into the floor after a particularly vicious swipe, the opportunist adventurer has a chance to rush in and hurt him. In order to finish this unhinged lardster off, one must beckon the stampeding Axeman into each of the arena pillars, doing so will gradually brain him until, one hopes, he is is able to chop no more.


Mr Mad was once a shy, gentle and educated man, but boy, how things have changed since his enchantment! This gibbering mess now staggers around rudely brandishing a large sharp axe, and yes, it seems he will use it at any given opportunity. One should not kill this poor confused man, but avoid his attentions as best as possible. Sustained attacks on him are therefore out of the question but an occasional strike will render Mr Mad stunned, allowing the adventurer a short period of respite to continue the quest.


This frumpy big bosomed gal is a surprisingly fearsome opponent. Enchantment seems to have multiplied her strength tenfold and being smacked forcefully in the face with a frying pan is never a pleasant experience. Like her husband this lady should not be hatefully destroyed, rather she should be lovingly whacked to keep her happily stunned.


Never before in the history of Gallowmere has such a sweet little girlie presented such a terrifying menace to society; such is the dark power of Zarok's enchantment! Suffice to say her speedy jump attacks with hatchet are best dodged at all times, and the temptation to annihilate her utterly rather than just daze her should be avoided where at all possible.


These walking bails of hay are amongst the most vicious of Gallowmere's enchanted beasts. These guys are not subtle or crafty, far from it, they just want to spike people with their pitchfork as much (and as quickly) as possible. Thankfully these aggressive yoiks have a big weakness, yep you've guessed it, one itsy flame and they light up like a fireworks factory.


The first time one sees these creatures casually gliding around they might be forgiven for thinking they are quite charming, elegant even, that would be a very big mistake. At a moments notice they can turn into a terrifying combat machine, clawing arms rotating like a force ten tornado, and set on crashing into their sorry target with technical precision. If one's general combat skills are suspect it may prove prudent to set them on fire as soon as is possible - well, they are stuffed with dry straw, you do the maths!

The Graveyard


No access to Sleeping Village.
Gates secured with a locking spell by order of Lord Zarok.
Return to your hovels and await thy doom.


Congratulations, you may have already won a free trip to the Hall of Heroes.
To claim free admittance simply collect souls from vanquished enemies in this beautiful golden chalice. Once the chalice is full you can redeem your prize by visiting the Hall of Heroes.
Free gift with every visit!
There are many other chalice to find and collect. Don't delay, start killing today!

Cemetery Hill


Many years ago witches from the cemetery coven sealed this route to the mausoleum.

Book 2 - Dearest sister Forest Witch

I am leaving with my beloved seedlings, and we are taking the PRECIOUS with us! We are going somewhere a witch can raise her pumpkin babies in peace and harmony, without fear of them getting stewed with tofu.
So move to the Enchanted Forest if you want, commune with your oaks, have nude love-ins with your sycamores, but do it on your OWN. This coven is finished.
P.S I have left a Witches' Talisman here in case any decent, sane, meat-eating persons wish to contact me in the future. That obviously does not include you, so don't you dare touch it!
The Pumpkin Witch

Gallowmere Plains

Book 1

Gallowmere Graveyard lies this way. Emptying fast, reservations no longer required.


Due to an unforeseen enchantment the residents of Sleeping Village are currently murderous puppets enslaved to the will of Zarok. Please refrain from harming the villagers as ordinarily they are a peace loving people and would not dream of attempting to place anyone's head on a sharp pole.

Book 3

Straight on to Scarecrow Fields and then the enchanted realm of Pumpkin Gorge.
Drive slowly, vegetables crossing.


Golf coach
Qualified masseur
(Previous experience working with chickens required)
Pool Cabana Attendant
Rat Exterminator
(Herding experience an advantage, Must be self-starter)

Book 5 - Path to the Enchanted Forest.

WARNING: Dragon Toad breeding season.
By order of the Mayor these gates have been locked for your safety.

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